The Year in Review: November 2009

November 2009

1. "Freddo Boy" retardedness.
Australia proved that we have our share of hang ups that make us act like retarded dickheads - in this case, on the issue of what to do about indigenous offenders. It's a thorny issue, and one that is particularly difficult to solve - mostly because police and politicians insist on treating it as a law and order issue, rather than addressing wider social issues that are the root of the problem.

Case in point - a 12-year-old Aboriginal boy was charged with receiving stolen goods after a friend of his gave him a stolen Freddo frog. Largely due to a huge outcry over the sheer ridiculousness of the matter, the police referred the matter to a Juvenile Justice Team, and the charges were subsequently dismissed by a magistrate.

However, the police insisted that they were correct to charge the boy, on the basis of his having come to the attention of police in the past, though he was never charged. But for me, that kind of makes it even less dignified for the police - it makes it look like they were clutching at any excuse to charge the boy, regardless of how ridiculously petty the incident was.

2. Asylum seeker retardness.
Another issue that Australians are particularly retarded on are asylum seekers. We're faced with the problem of having lots of boats full of illegal immigrants trying to make their way to our shores, but instead of working out an effective management plan, we try and make it into a Somebody Else's Problem.

Unfortunately our new approach fails to work, because actually, it isn't somebody else's problem. It's our problem and we need to deal with it. This was thrown into stark relief with the Oceanic Viking standoff, which saw asylum seekers rescued by the Australian Navy taken to Indonesia, and told they had to get off. But they refused, and left us with no idea what to do.

We tried to force them off, we tried to get New Zealand to take them, but finally we were forced to offer that we would assess their status, and, if found to be refugees, we would process and resettle them within 3 months. After this offer was given, the asylum seekers left the ship . . . but a little too late for our dignity.

3. Thierry Henry retardedness.
During the playoffs for the 2010 World Cup, Frenchman Henry turned himself from a sporting hero into a dirty cheat. Unseen by the ref, he twice handled the ball in the penalty area, setting up the goal that allowed France to qualify at the expense of Ireland.

Now of course it can by no means be said that cheating that robbed Ireland of their spot in the World Cup. What it did do was rob Ireland of their chance to play their way into the World Cup, fair and square. And for most people (possbily not the French) it robs them of the chance to appreciate Henry for the first class sportsman that he is - being blinded by how classless he has proved himself to be in sportsmanship.